Boys, don’t do it! Top men’s summer fashion faux pas

Last year I had a go at us girls, and this time I’m having a go at the boys! Seriously though, it’s meant to be light-hearted, so don’t get too annoyed boys :-)

1. Bin Laden sandals. I would describe these as a heavy leather Jesus sandal with a chunky rubber tractor-tyre sole. I'm afraid I can't find an exact photo of what I mean but in my head I can see them loud and clear. They can be found as slip-ons, velcro-fastening, buckled or mules, but what they all have in common is that they’re hideous! A man can be beautifully decked out for summer; white linen shirt, bermudas that show off great calves, maybe the odd bead strung on a leather thong (not that kind of thong) – then you look down to his feet and he’s ruined it with BLSs (abbreviation). Perhaps my aversion to this type of footwear has something to do with the amount of time I’ve spent ‘in that part of the world’, indeed ‘my part of the world’ but it doesn’t matter if you’re a beard-free blondie – no-one can get away with this awful footwear that looks like a kind of saddle for feet.

2. Bare torsos. By bare torsos I mean naked chests on public transport and in restaurants – even beach restaurants. I don’t care if you have a six-pack or have specially shaved your chest for the occasion (which you see a lot of in Spain). It’s just not necessary!

3. Cut offs. Ok, it’s not fair to put this on the list as almost every boy I know wears cutoffs, but I have some inexplicable issues with them. Shorts I love, trousers too, but cutoffs, meh, luke-warm. Either get your legs out or hide them away. They seem to cut people off at the most unattractive part of the leg. To be fair, I hate cutoffs on myself too, and as a woman I have no idea how to make them look good. Wear them with flat shoes and I look like a slightly-bottom-heavy waddling duck (IMHO), with heels and it’s sort of a brunette slightly slutty Doris Day. Can’t win. Or maybe the Doris Day thing is a good look? If any of you ladies have any tips on how to look good in these then let me know!

4. ‘Holiday uniforms’. This means that special combo of garish sloganned T-shirt, tall towelling socks, white trainers, polyester bum-bag (fanny-pack) and a baseball cap. I know it's practical, but...

5. Other scary footwear: apart from the old bin ladens I have a few more to add to the list: a. Crocs – I know they are comfy, but unless you work in a hospital please do not wear them. b. Those ‘walking sandals’ (black canvas with velcro) unless you are actually walking.

Looking back at this list I can see that I’ve practically left men with nothing wear in summer, and while I understand I don’t really have the right to play at fashion police, please let me indulge in saying what I love men to wear in summer: Short-sleeved shirts in cotton or linen, khaki or chino shorts, nice flip-flops, crisp white Ts, canvas pumps, summer deck-shoes, cotton summer scarves for when it gets chilly, a touch of hawaiian or surfer look here and there...am I expecting too much metrosexuality? Or maybe I think we live in a Davidoff Cool Water ad? Perhaps the boys also have a list of what they’d like us to wear? High-heeled strappy sandals, tiny skirts, butt-skimming shorts and boob tubes? Or maybe, and hopefully, they’re not as demanding as me and they just want us to be comfortable :-)